Some relationships are inherently bad for us but how do we know if it will be all worth it in the end?
A few weeks ago I spoke about expelling negativity from your life but sometimes the hard part is defining who and what is ultimately less positive and more of a weight pulling you down.
I, as I'm sure we all do, have certain people in my life that I consider dear friends but I sometimes have to take a step back and look at if they are doing me more harm than good. These are the friends that ridicule you, the boys that make you feel unimportant, the friends who use you as a leaning post, dumping everything one you until you're drowning in their problems.
How do we know when the point of a rough patch has been passed and you're now into poisonous territory? I don't think we can ever be subjective about this type of thing, there is after all a reason you are friends with this person. When you decide the relationship isn't worth it, and this has happened to me many times, you'll begin to remember every nice things this person has ever done for you. You'll remember every time they made you blush or laugh and every nice gesture they've ever made. What's even worse is that you'll begin to excuse every time they hurt you, every excuse they made will all of a sudden feel like the most legitimate explanation you have ever heard.
So, this is where we usually rely on our our friends to help us make the decision but does that ever provide us with enough closure? Do we feel any comfort in the ending of the relationship if we don't feel like the decision was ours? Sure our friends try to have our best interests at heart but they can never know the full story, can they? They don't know how warm and safe you feel falling asleep in his arms or how you've never had as much fun as when you had a simple picnic in the park with your friend. There's no way to explain that feeling to them and even if you could it would be meaningless when they haven't felt it for themselves.
This is where we need to remove what I've grown to call "breakup goggles." These rose coloured specticals dull our anger and provide us with doubt in our pending decision. How to remove them? I think the simple answer is to ask ourselves "does this person make up happy more than they hurt us?" That, simply put is your answer to whether we should allow them to remain in our life or not. A bipolar relationship with soaring highs is rarely worth it when there are also crashing lows. Instead of trying to measure the magnitude of highs and lows perhaps it is more beneficial to measure the duration of the highs and lows. After all, what are friends for if not to make us happy?
I know this is a simple answer to a complicated question but it's one I've been putting to use and for me it has opened my life to a vast change in which I have time and energy for positive people and it has been more than worthwhile.
